I stopped off in the newsagent to see some customers doing what like a small scale panic buy, as the Co-op had shut as well as the Tesco garage. Sainsbury’s in West Norwood was apparently still open but who was going up there to investigate? Once home I settled to check the news reports. Rumours were swirling on Twitter that Tulse Hill was next on the rioters’ agenda and for the next two hours a strong sense of unease filled me as I began to recall the disturbances from last night and scenes of youths looting Clapham Junction, Hackney, Croydon, Ealing and Peckham. The fires raging in each of these towns with police, residents and business owners watching helpless as the city’s youth went on the rampage.

Much has been said about the mindlessness of the behaviour of the kids (lets face it majority of them were) involved. But to echo Dave Hill wiriting on the Guardian website yesterday, I don’t mindless is the word to use because I think these kids and the many adults that were with them knew exactly what they were doing, and knew the consequences, and the message they were sending out. A casual look at the items being stolen, the shops targeted denoted a sense of entitlement as if to say that these are things that I have been denied and now is my chance (and right) to take them as I please.  Two girls interviewed in Croydon early this morning as they drank their stolen wine (I’m imagining Chardonnay or a cool rosé) summarised it as such: that they were letting the police and the rich (ie people with businesses) know that they could do what they wanted. With statements like that I honestly don’t know how to begin to respond. It is on one level immature and ignorant and on another demonstrating the level of lawlessness that is infecting our society.  A lawlessness which economic, political and social intervention alone cannot resolve. We need a spiritual intervention to counteract this  ‘me, myself, I’ culture that we operate in or else things can only get worse.  People on Twitter have been mocking the ‘prayforlondon’ hashtag but in all truthfully without God what else are you going to do?  The Bible  says in Proverbs that without the knowledge or fear of God, the people cast off all restraint, and that is what we are seeing on our streets today.

My heart and prayers go out to the family of Mark Duggan, who have not been able to grieve as they should be entitled to because unfortunately his death has been linked to the past days events, however tenuously. In the midst of all this drama, it’s easy to forget that someone’s father, son, partner, brother and friend lost their life and those that are left behind are waiting for answers and most importantly for justice.

Image: Tom Curtis / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What started off as a story about hacking into the phones of a few celebrities and politicians, has extended to the hacking into the voicemails of a murdered schoolchild, the families of the victims of 7/7 and also the families of army officers killed in Afghanistan and Iraq. Not only that it turns out that policemen were being bribed and paid for information in the quest for that all-important scoop. The amount of dirt being dug up on News International proved too much for the British public and boycotts of the paper by consumers and advertisers began to be mooted. One by one, key advertisers such as Sainsburys, Mitsubishi, Ford began to pull their advertising slots, proving that if you want to hurt a business, go for the money! Forget writing letters and going on protest marches, hit the money then sit back and watch the fallout. And sure enough it was announced ‘with regret’ that News of the World was to killed off as ungraciously as it lived.

I’ve always thought that what goes around comes around, and that a newspaper which once prided itself on investigative journalism, should now find itself the subject of an investigation into its unethical and illegal practices just goes to prove the point.  The NOtW has always claimed to be the voice of Britain (or at least a select few of the people it considered British), publishing its moral outrages alongside salacious tales of sex and gossip. Investigative journalism by the NOtW standards is, cheap, nasty and astonishingly ruthless.  News International the publisher of NOtW may try to place blame on a few rogue employees, no longer in their employ, namely one Andy Coulson, former editor and No. 10 comms director, but I think that this is just endemic of the working culture there and a whole lot of people including New International chief exec Rebekah Brooks and the Murdochs knew exactly what was going on, no matter how much they try to deny or cover up.

Of course the big question out of all this is who survives? So far, Rebekah Brooks is hanging onto her job (just!), whilst mumbling assurances that she will try to find jobs for the now redundant NOtW staff.  Whether they will want to work for her or News International again, is another story. I would have thought not, but in some cases, there may not be a choice.  Afterall, which, ‘respected’ newspaper trying to distance itself from this mess would want to know?  Furthermore, there is that distance for a reason. Let’s not think that for one second that other newspapers, the Daily Mail for one, have not been party to this type of behaviour one way or another.

Andy Coulson, it would appear has learned to ‘sing’ loud and proud, having presented himself to the police to face questioning about corruption and bribery. His comment to the press on leaving the station was telling: ‘There’s a lot more I’d like to tell you, but I can’t’.

I also think that now that Rupert Murdoch has flown into the UK to assess the damage, it is possible that further down the line, young James Murdoch, who has a very disconcerting way of not blinking very much when speaking (surely a sign that he’s telling lies??), maybe be re-assigned elsewhere in the murkiness of the News Corp empire, especially if this BSkyB deal does not go through.

What about the rest, David Cameron, good friends with Rebekah Brooks and Andy Coulson’s former boss, the Met, countless others? I watch on with interest and anticipation.

Photograph: Suzanne Plunkett/REUTERS

‘So dark that kidnapping and pederasty and incest and brutal beatings are now just part of the run of things in novels directed, broadly speaking, at children from the ages of 12 to 18.’

It would be tempting to agree with her, after all look at the success of the Twilight series but that would be assuming that all teen fiction was about vampires and/or the occult which is certainly not the case.  Also, the darkness of teen fiction is not a new thing. I began reminiscing over some of the books I read as a teenager (some of which are still on my shelf), some fifteen or so years ago, and they weren’t all happy camping books.  In fact, I think that the older I got, the more I actively searched for more dark, and lets be honest adult themes.

For me teen fiction was not only an escape into somebody else’s story but also a way to process, understand and function the world I was being brought up in.  Being from an African family that was also quite conservative, there were certain things like sex, for example, that were just not discussed, mentioned or even acknowledged.  So teen fiction was the only way I was ever going to find out about such things, other than confused conversations with friends.   To this day, I still remember reading Forever by Judy Blume, and being amused by the fact the boyfriend ( I don’t remember his name!) had named his penis Ralph (see I remember that and since then I have never able to take the name seriously!).  After much to and fro as the couple finally have sex, declared love forever and then broke up. On reflection this quite possibly informed my early cynicism about relationships.  Though I think looking back, it was probably more that I was aware that they were too young to be declaring to be together forever.  After Judy Blume’s books about growing pains, was Liz Berry’s books Easy Connection, Easy Freedom and Mel depicting, rape, mental illness, drugs and alcohol, mysticism just for starters.  Not to mention S.E. Hinton’s novels about gangs fights and class tensions.  Somewhere in the midst of all that, I was fixated with books about anorexia my favourite being The Best Little Girl in the World, and Mildred D. Taylor’s Roll of Thunder, Hear my Cry and its sequel Let the Circle be Unbroken, about life in the segregated South and where a young black boy is hung for a crime he didn’t commit.

Maybe these were not the stuff of vampires, pederasty, and incest, but that’s not to say that I didn’t read books like that too.  There was one about a girl from Catford (local to where I grew up) who becomes a vampire courtesy of her boyfriend.  I remember laughing at the idea of vampires in Catford, of all places.  And the children’s classic Oliver Twist has a hint of pederasty, if I’m not mistaken, in Fagin’s relationship with his den of young pickpockets.  If you look closely, it’s there.  Victorian coding and all that!  And before we start demonising Dickens, the Bible itself has many a dark undertone, and yes, covers incest as well. Make of that what you will Cox Gurdon. Should kids not read Dickens, the Bible, Grimms’ fairytales? In that case they should just stop reading the papers and listening to the news. Segregate them into a land of marshmallows until they are of age and then see how they will fare.

Is today’s teen fiction more dark than the stuff I read?  Maybe so, but I think that is because our world is darker and it’s being played out in fiction, adult as well as teen. Not to mention film and TV.  However, I think this is a good thing because, it helps to be aware of what other people go through in life so that you are not stuck in a bubble (or the land of marshmallows), assuming that your life is all there is.  When I read Roll of Thunder, I was struck by the fact that life in the Deep South was such that the White Powers That Be would not think twice about hanging a thirteen year old child. I remember praying that TJ would survive, but he didn’t.  Should I have been shielded from that? I was about thirteen when I read it.  But no I don’t because that story is part of a real narrative of America’s past and it educated me and a whole generation of kids about the legacy the slave had and still has on American today.

Reading books about anorexia did not make me want to starve myself, I was too horrified by the physical, emotional and mental effects it had on the characters.  It made me realise that there were appropriate ways of dealing with your issues and self-destruction wasn’t a good method. Once again, I was aware that some people had real problems that went beyond ‘does my bum look big in this?’ and ‘when will I get a boyfriend?’.

The books I read as a teen made me question what I would do if in the same situation.  They taught me about life in another world, another time, another country.  Some were dark, intense and serious but some were light-hearted and funny. But most importantly teen fiction is where I discovered my love for stories, whether romance, science fiction, fantasy, classics, whatever.  My love affair began then, so too dark or not I can’t and won’t complain.

Photo: Pink Headphones by healingdream

According to evangelical broadcaster, Harold Camping, he ‘miscalculated’ his prediction of the Rapture foretold in the Bible, and he felt ‘terrible’ for his mistake. I’m sure the many who believed him and spent their life savings thinking the end was coming are reassured by that.  However, disappointed folk need not worry, a new date has been set for 21 October 2011, five months from now.

What surprised me about all this talk of the End Of The World, was that no-one appeared to challenge Camping with the scripture from Matthew 24:36, which says,  ‘No one knows the day or the hour’. Not even Jesus knew, ‘only the Father’. With this mind, I’d say that Camping’s ‘miscalculation’ was not only erroneous but unnecessary.  Moreover, it also shows the propensity for people to listen and believe what another says rather and read and study the Bible for themselves.  In that same chapter of Matthew, it also says in verse 11 that ‘many false prophets will appear and deceive many people’.  I’d say that particular prophecy came true!

However, I do believe that something positive has come out of the events – or rather non-event – of the last few days.  People all over the world regardless of their belief system have been talking about it. Yes many have been mocking the misguided followers of Harold Camping, and Christians in general. Some have been reflective. Others, like me, have been faintly dismissive.  But, as I listened to a news programme discussing the subject,  I was struck by the thought that this whole thing has provided an opportunity to re-open conversations about faith and salvation with people, that perhaps I and many others wouldn’t usually. Which in itself cannot be a bad thing.

Will the world end on 21 October? I think you know my answer but I welcome the conversation to be had on the matter.

1. Stay focused. Write down said dream/vision/plan and make it plain – the whys, the wherefores etc. Come back to it when you are losing focus to remind yourself why you started this journey.
2. Tell yourself positive, encouraging things everyday. I personally find a memorised verse of scripture from the Bible goes a long way. My favourite: ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me’  (Philippians 4:13).
3. Surround yourself with positive people, who will encourage and motivate you, and who will also keep you grounded. Avoid people who are by nature negative, because they’ll just depress you further!
4. Read/listen to stories of people in the same situation as you who have made it. Not only will that motivate you, you never know, you might pick up some ideas along the way.
5. Don’t give up. Set-backs need only be temporary, keep pressing on to reach your goal. As the song goes ‘If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again.’

There are loads more tips out there I know, these are just my top five. If you have some and would like to share, please do. I’m all for sharing advice.

Stay blessed peeps!

But all was not lost, even in the midst of all the above, I found the Lord really does work in mysterious ways.  A SEO workshop hosted by Women Unlimited, gave me a confidence and inspiration boost I desperately needed.  And I realised I didn’t have to be a slave to a job I didn’t like, I could go back to temping which I did like.  Furthermore, my dream of starting my own business didn’t have to remain a dream.  I could actually start one.  It could be small and make little money but at least it would be mine and at least I would have finally done it.  A few other things happened to remind  me who I was and what I had left behind over the past year.  I needed to get back to being me.

So first things first was to restart this neglected blog and my first love of writing.  Next is to get back into reading, oh how I have missed the West Norwood reading group.  There are more things: I’m finishing the hated job in June, and no, I have nothing to go to, so am taking a big risk.  Praying that the temping will come good.  And I am going to give starting my own business a shot.  At least I will be able to say that I tried.

@Ifeyani  #mymomsaid “IFEANYI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I come running in and she’s like “please change the channel, Friends is about to come on” #sigh

@EBBALiCiOUSZ: #myMOMsaid ALWAYS WEAR SOME CLEAN PANTIES…YA NEVER KNOW WUTS GONNA HAPPEN-> all black mommas said that -_- (That’s right mine sure did!!)

@dearsantana: #whattimeisitnow HAMMER TIME!
@dear santana, you got to know it’s always HAMMER TME!

I remember watching Do The Right Thing for the first time and being incredibly sad at the sight of Ruby Dee’s character breaking down during the riot scene, as she watched the destruction of her neighbourhood and then blown away by the ambiguity of the ending which implies that the race issue is more complex that we think and still needs to be worked on.

Other Lee movies that have worked for me include:

Jungle Fever, even though I am a bit ambivalent about this one, only because I always get confused on the same scene – where the ‘sisters’ get together and bitch about the white woman who has taken away Wesley Snipes. Isn’t the wife in the movie meant to be mixed? Admittedly, I think I’ll have to watch it again cause thinking about it that’s all I remember of the movie, I’m sure there was more other than the theme tune which to this day still makes me laugh. Still as with most of Lee’s movies there is a debate to be had with that one.

25th Hour, I love, love, love simply because  it’s skillful story telling that leaving you wanting more. In addition, a fabulous soundtrack and score by Terence Blanchard I believe who scores most if not all Lee’s movies.

Mo Better Blues, I like and I’ll freely admit it’s because at the time I was at the height of my crush on Denzel Washington. A good movie but is a classic example of Lee’s tendency to drag out a story for 2 and half hours, then realising that he’s running out of a) money b) time c) both wraps up the story in ten minutes. The last ten of Mo Better sees Denzel’s character make up with his girl, get her pregnant, get married, have a son.  Son grows up to age six. Learns to play the trumpet and cuss his friends. The End. That’s a lot for people to deal with in ten minutes, after 2 and half hours of to-ing and fro-ing between two different women, sparring with the boys, getting beat up, oh and playing some great jazz.

I should also mention Crooklyn. Not many people like this one, critics didn’t get excited but I like it simply because it’s a kid’s point of view of growing up Black in 70s New York and depicts the difficulties of keeping a family together at all costs. Nicely done.

That’s just for starters, there’s more of course – School Daze, Clockers, Malcolm X, The Inside Man, to mention only but a few - and all tight movies.

What I personally love about Spike Lee is not just what he has done for the black image in film and film making but what he also says about city landscapes, places, being and belonging. 25th Hour is not strictly a ‘race’ movie but the scene where Ed Norton has his rant in the mirror against every ethnic group to be found in New York City, shows just how  race and all its complexities ties itself up in our everyday, especially in our post 9/11 world where the ‘other’ isn’t just African-American but Asian, Middle Eastern etc.

However, no one is  perfect and Spike for all his brilliance at articulating what it means to be African-American in America especially as a man, comes under a lot of criticism for his portrayal of women. I tend to agree with the critics as Lee appears to cast the same ‘type’ of woman in some of his movies- sexually or verbally aggressive or both, springs to mind. At best, this is perhaps his attempt at declaring the sexual liberation of Black women and the ability to stand up for ourselves and take no crap (or prisoners!) or at worse, he being reductive and stereotypical. For me the jury is out as it’s been a while since I watched some of his classics, so I want to tread carefully and not jump on the proverbial bandwagon of accusing him of something he’s not. But if you have something to share on the subject feel free to share…

Other than that I feel it’s safe for me to say, I like me some Spike Lee and want to say a hearty congratulations on the 20th anniversary of Do The Right Thing, a film that has long stood the test of time and is still startling relevant to us now. Looking forward to the next twenty!